Resolutions 101 – How to Make and Keep Resolutions

I remember back when I was in middle school and high school, I really got into making New Year’s Resolutions.  I would take a look at all the facets of my teenage life – school, home, church, friends, appearance, level of fitness, diet, faith, etc, and I would make the longest list of New Year’s Resolutions I could come up with, listing all the changes I wanted to make in the coming year.  I would even reevaluate at the beginning of each month, to see how it was going and revise the plan if necessary.  I would try to focus on all bazillion of those resolutions at the same time.

Because I was SERIOUS ABOUT THIS.

I mean, I also had things in there like “be more popular” and “get a boyfriend” and “learn to put on eye makeup better” and

“win the women’s singles title at Wimbledon (I really had that one…)” – typical teenage stuff.

But mostly, it was a pretty good attempt at improving myself in a generally logical way.

Looking back at my teenage resolution efforts today, from a more – ahem – mature viewpoint, I can see that I was doing some things wrong and some things right.

Good:

• Taking a look at each part of my life
• Regularly reevaluating
• Taking it seriously

Not so good:

• Making the longest list I could come up with
• Working on everything at the same time
• Including some unrealistic goals

The good news is, I’ve learned a few things over the past few decades.  I still take resolutions seriously, but I’ve discovered some tips that increase the likelihood of success.

 First, acknowledge that change takes effort.

Making resolutions is easy; keeping them is a whole other story.

When you feel like giving up, or are discouraged because you broke a resolution (ALREADY…), take a reality check.  Remind yourself that this is HARD WORK.

Reality says you will most likely face some setbacks.  So when they happen, don’t be surprised.

Take a deep breath and REresolve.

Tell yourself (in a firm but kind voice) that difficulty and short-term weakness aren’t excuses for giving up.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, take a deep breath, and start again.

If this was easy, you wouldn’t be making resolutions in the first place.

Tell yourself (in a firm but kind voice) that difficulty and short-term weakness aren’t excuses for giving up.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, take a deep breath, and start again.

If it wasn’t difficult, you wouldn’t have to make resolutions in the first place.

Over the past few decades, I’ve learned a thing or two about what works and what doesn’t when creating resolutions.  If you’ll keep some of the following tidbits in mind as you make your plans, things should go much more smoothly for you.

• Start by assessing the different parts of your life

Maybe you already know exactly what changes you want to make in the coming year.  Most of us have an idea, but maybe haven’t gotten serious about getting the swirling thoughts out of our heads and onto a piece of paper.

There are a variety of tools to help you do this.  You can do a search on “wheel of life” or “life wheel” and you’ll find something like this:

This graphic provides a pretty comprehensive list of life areas:  business/career/studies, finances/wealth, health/fitness, social/friends, family, romance/love, recreation/fun, contribution, personal growth, spiritual, and self-image.

Go through and mark how satisfied you are with each separate area on a scale of 0 to 10.

Then take each area and think about what you would like to improve/change.

As you get down to business and start to formulate specific resolutions, keep the following suggestions in mind.

 

1.  Be REALISTIC

Making resolutions can feel like being a kid in a candy store – we want EVERYTHING!  But – you can only accomplish so much in a certain amount of time.

I started running 5K races last fall.  It was harder than I thought it would be.  I can now, with some certainty, state that a resolution made on January 1 to run a marathon by April is probably not realistic for an inexperienced exerciser.  A more sensible resolution might be to run the entire time while doing a 5K.  Or maybe even back it up a step more: sign up for a 5K  by April.

If the resolution is too big or if you are trying to do too many things all at once, you are more likely to fail.

Be realistic.

 

2.  Be SPECIFIC

One of the most common New Year’s resolutions is to lose weight.  Most of us Americans need to have weight loss and healthier eating as a goal.

But – that’s not specific enough.  Take it down to lower level.  A better goal would be “I want to lose 20 pounds this year”.  That’s a goal you can work with, plan for.

“I’m going to be nicer to my family this year”.  Again, a super good thing to want to do.  But not specific enough.  It’s too subjective.  What do you mean by “be nicer”?  Do you mean that you won’t yell when you’re angry at your kids?  Or that you won’t swear when arguing with your spouse?

Make it so specific that you and those in your life will be able to tell whether you’ve done it or not.  You will either lose 20 pounds or you won’t.  You will either cut out the cuss words or you won’t.

Global phrases like “I’m going to be healthier” or “I’m gonna be more patient” or “I’m going to learn more stuff!” are too vague.

Be specific.

 

3.  Get Rid of the LAUNDRY LIST

It was fun to create my all –encompassing New Year’s Resolutions list when I was a teenager.  But in reality, as the days went by, I only focused on a handful of those items.

It’s commonly believed that we can only focus on about 3 changes at any one time.  And that’s a stretch.

Your list of 30 resolutions is admirable, but not very doable.

How in the world did Jonathan Edwards manage 70 resolutions??

We generally don’t like change in the first place, even positive change.  We seek the familiar, even when it’s bad for us.  So the more change you try to throw at yourself all at once, the higher the likelihood that you will fail.

And as much as we dislike change, we dislike failure even more.

So keep the active list short.

There’s no rule that you have to cover all areas you’d like to change all at once. Pick one or two themes – such as anger management, stress control, healthy eating, fitness improvement, career advancement – that are most important to you, and set reachable goals within these areas.

After you’ve made progress on those, THEN start on some new ones.

 

4.  Make it MEASUREABLE

It’s important to be able to tell whether you’ve actually accomplished your goal or not.

In business, you can’t go to your boss and say, “This year, I want to sell more!”.  I mean, you CAN say that, but you have to go a bit further.   How much more do you intend to sell?  By when?  What kind of stuff are you planning to sell?  And how will you go about selling more?

Let’s take the example of a weight loss resolution.

“I want to lose weight this year!” is a super thing to want.  But if you REALLY want to experience the benefit of that goal, you have to go further.  Decide how much weight you want to lose.  50 pounds?  10 pounds?  3 pants sizes?  If you will attach a metric to it, you’ll know whether or not you did it.  And measurability makes it much more likely that you’ll accomplish your goal.

5.  Break it down, BREAK IT DOWN

Staying with the weight loss goal example – let’s say you resolve to lose 30 pounds this year.  In January, you think “I’ve got ALL YEAR to do this – no problem!”  If all you do is try to eat better and move around more, but don’t have a more specific plan than that, you will most likely find yourself saying “Argh – I’ve only lost 10 pounds!” come December (if you’re LUCKY…)

So break it down to smaller chunks and shorter time frames.  There are 52 weeks in  a year, so take the amount of weight you plan to lose (30 pounds) and divide by the number of weeks in a year (52) to see how much you’ll need to lose each week, on average, to meet your goal.  After doing the math, you’ll need to lose just over half a pound a week in order to lose 30 pounds by next January 1.  Once you know that, you can come up with a plan that will allow you to reach that goal.

The plan will involve more math.  Sorry.

What if you want to accomplish something less measureable, like “I want to be more patient”?  Again, break it down.  In what situations do you need more patience?  What behaviors/thoughts do you need to change?  How can you address those things (self-help books, counseling, support groups, alternative behaviors, etc)?  Then break it down to what you’ll do this month, this week, and TODAY.

Break it down, break it down.

6.  Make it YOUR OWN

If your spouse wants you to lose weight, and you think you have a healthy physique, you probably won’t lose any pounds.   Plus, there are likely some other problems in that relationship…

If your parents want you to be more social, and you are happy being more of a loner, you probably won’t have a herd of new friends come year end.

In order for change to work, YOU have to want it.

Set resolutions that are based upon YOUR OWN wishes, desires, goals, and dreams, not those of society or of those persons close to you.

This may seem obvious, but many people waste time trying to meet society’s – or another person’s – expectations.

A resolution is bound to fail if it doesn’t come from your heart.

Make it your own.

7.  Your resolutions have to be under YOUR CONTROL

“I will stop swearing this year if my kids just get off of my LAST NERVE.”

Don’t set resolutions whose success is based on factors that are beyond your control.

“I resolve to have more civil family get-togethers this year” – can you see how the success of this resolution depends on more than just what YOU do?  Everybody else has to decide to be civil too.

They might decide not be civil.

YOU can resolve to act in a more civil manner at these get-togethers.  But that’s all you can control.

“I’ll lose 10 pounds so my husband will love me” – all you can control is whether or not you lose those 10 pounds.  You can’t control how another person chooses to act or feel.

Be sure that your resolutions are under YOUR CONTROL.

8.  Put it IN WRITING

Until you get these resolutions out of your head and onto a piece of paper or into an electronic document, they are just nice ideas.  Getting things out of your head and in front of your eyes makes them feel more “real” and will give you a better chance of accomplishing them.

So write your resolutions down.  And remember where you put the list…

9.  Be ACCOUNTABLE

We are so commitment-averse.  We don’t want to tell others about our resolutions – even if we really, really are serious about them – because we’re so afraid of committing to anything.  Afraid of what the other person will think if we mess up.

And what if I change my mind??  I’ll look ridiculous.

But if you know that someone who cares about you is following your progress, you will tend to put take it more seriously.

Tell someone what your resolutions are.  Get a “resolution partner” and encourage each other.  Sort like a prayer partner.  Or better yet, have a Prayer/Resolution Partner.

Accountability is a GOOD thing.  Be accountable.

10.  Watch your SELF-TALK

Some of us some pretty negative and destructive tapes playing in our heads.  Sometime we aren’t even aware that they’re playing.  It’s important to become aware of what you tell yourself ABOUT yourself and about life, because you may need to burn the tapes you’ve got and make some new ones.

Phrases like “Ugh, I’ll never be able to do this” and “I’m so stupid.  I can’t even keep this resolution for ONE DAY…” are not helpful.

Even if you don’t quite believe it yet, tell yourself things like “I am going to be healthier” and “I CAN do this – it’s just really challenging” and “I will pick myself up and try again” and “I can keep this resolution for one hour – I’ll worry about the rest of the day later”.

Your self-talk will either help or hurt your efforts.  And you are in control of what type of self-talk you practice.

Watch your self-talk.

11.  Give yourself a DEADLINE

Poor deadlines:

• When I get around to it
• As soon as possible
• Later

If your resolutions are attached to any of those types of timeframes, you’re probably not going to achieve your goals.

Most of us work much better with deadlines, even though we don’t necessarily enjoy the stress associated with them.

Deadlines are self-imposed pressure points.

Most of us hate deadlines but will procrastinate and never “get around to things” without one.

Tack on a “by when” to the end of your resolution – “I will make an appointment with a counselor to talk about my anger by February 1”.

This adds a sense of urgency and immediately puts you into action.  Share your deadline with your accountability partner if you need a little extra “oomph” to get it done.

Give yourself a deadline.

12.  Take BABY STEPS

By “baby steps” I mean “small”, not “stumbling” or “like a drunken sailor”.

If a resolution feels overwhelming, too big, break it down into smaller steps.  Keep breaking it down until it feels manageable.  Doable, yet still allow it to stretch you.

Let’s say you need to pack up your parents’ house “this year”.  But there’s 60 years of stuff in that house, and you are overwhelmed.  So take a smaller step – I’ll tackle the office this month.  Maybe that STILL feels too big.  Take an even smaller step – “I’ll go through the filing cabinet by the end of January.”

Have intermediate goals to help keep you moving forward.  Decide where you’d like to be in 1 month, 3 months, 6 months, and check yourself at those points along the way.

Achieving smaller goals gives you a sense of accomplishment and motivation to continue.  These shorter-term goals also give you an opportunity to re-evaluate and revise your resolutions, and to refocus.

Take baby steps.

13.  Replace a BAD Habit with a GOOD Habit

Let’s say you plan to stop smoking this next year.  Excellent!

But what will you do INSTEAD of smoking at those times when you would normally pick up a cigarette?  If you don’t replace a bad habit with something else, odds are, you’ll eventually fall back into the old, bad habit.

When you remove something, it leaves an empty space that demands to be filled.

So fill it.  Think of reasonable things that will be BETTER than the activity you are getting rid of.

14.  Get Enough SLEEP

You are going to be attempting something that will take a great deal of mental, physical, and emotional energy.  You need adequate sleep so that you can take on this task with all the energy and endurance and mental fortitude you can muster.

Americans don’t get enough sleep.  And because of that, we are cranky, tired, sluggish, and low on self-control.

Getting enough sleep is so obvious that we often overlook it.  But you will reap many benefits if you pay attention to what your body needs.

Get enough sleep (which probably means get MORE sleep).

15.  Have a CONTINGENCY PLAN

When you are crafting your resolutions, take a little time to decide what you’ll do when you are tempted to break those grand plans.

Because you will be tempted.  Probably a lot.

What if you are trying to cut out carbs and you want nothing more than a dozen Oreos?  And you’re all alone for the afternoon and it would be SO EASY to jump in the car and get some Double Stuff.  You could eat it and NO ONE WOULD KNOW.

You have to have a contingency plan, because when broadsided by an intense Oreo craving, well, I don’t even want to think about what could happen.

Instead of loading up on all that sugar and preservatives, find some recipes for non-carb desserts and tell yourself they are as good as Oreos.   Go for a walk when the craving hits.  Drink a big glass of water (we’ve often actually thirsty when we think we’re hungry).  Set a timer for 10 minutes, and tell yourself that you won’t do anything until it goes off.  (You can usually talk yourself out of a temptation if you make yourself wait, even for 5 minutes.  Free counseling advice!  You’re welcome.).

You will be tortured with seemingly unbearable temptation.

Have a contingency plan.

16.  NO EXCUSES

“But it’s January FIFTH and I didn’t make any resolutions.  It doesn’t feel like a resolution anymore…”

I don’t care what day it is.  And neither should you.

Start on January 5^th if you missed the January 1 thing.

JUST START.

Here are some excuses:

• I’m too busy
• I’m not ready
• I like (my really bad habit) too much to quit
• I can never keep resolutions
• Resolutions are stupid
• I don’t think I can do it
• I’ve got too much going on to make any resolutions
• I’ll do that later
• I don’t believe in resolutions

If you need to, say them over and over for a bit.  Get them out of your system.

Because we can always find excuses not to do something worth doing.

But at the end of the day, they really are just excuses and you’ll be no closer to your goals.

We are ALL busy, overwhelmed, imperfect, set in our ways, lazy, weak, and change-averse.

So, for all of us:  NO MORE EXCUSES!

I love resolutions.  I love the idea of a fresh start, a new year, the opportunity to improve and be more than I was before.  Sometimes I get that right, and sometimes I don’t.  But I hope that you, like me, will decide that it’s worth the effort and the positive results of going through the process.

Have a Blessed, Courageous, and Awe-filled New Year!