How’s everyone doing out there?
Things aren’t normal, that’s for sure.
If you are feeling an increase in anxiety, depression, anger, fear, or general irritability right now, you aren’t alone. Society has been in shock for a few weeks because of COVID-19 and all the changes that come with this virus, but now, we are starting to see (and feel) some pretty strong, and uncomfortable, emotions peeking out.
I wish I could tell you those emotions will pass in a day or so, but I don’t think that’s the case. The truth is, you are going to have to purposefully PUSH BACK against those feelings, and proactively be the boss of your emotions.
This fact is especially true since we have several weeks (at least) left to stay home and isolate. Our emotions aren’t likely to take an upswing all by themselves. For those of us who have tendencies towards depression and anxiety, it is incredibly important to do some things, each day, that will help our mental health stay balanced.
1. Stop thinking so much
Even though there are so many aspects of life right now that are totally out of our control, we CAN control our choices and our behavior. We can even control the thoughts that we park on and let live inside our heads.
The challenge is in finding a way to convince ourselves to do the things we know are good for us, even though we don’t feel like doing them.
One of our biggest hindrances is that we prefer to wait until we feel like doing something before we actually do it. We ask ourselves, “Do I really feel like doing this right now?” We wait for motivation to act, and as we know, motivation is an elusive creature.
I don’t know about you, but most of the time I prefer to sit on the couch with my cats and read or play word games instead of do dishes or vacuum. Or exercise. Or cook a healthy meal.
My want-to is often the problem.
So the question is, how do we get our want-to to, well, WANT TO?
I think the answer, at least at the outset of trying to make better choices, is that we DON’T.
Don’t focus on trying to get your want-to to WANT To, because it DOESN’T.
Be the boss of your choices. When you let your want-to dictate your actions, you end up feeling even more helpless. You’ve just given up even more control, and you did it to yourself!
Find a way to do the thing in spite of your uncooperative want-to.
And the first step is to stop thinking about whether or not you feel like doing the thing (want to).
2. Get up
A body in motion tends to stay in motion, and a body at rest tends to stay at rest (thanks Isaac Newton). That’s why it’s so hard to get up off the couch when you’ve been there awhile. For example, it’s hard to get yourself up and do ANYTHING when you’ve been bingeing on NetFlix for two weeks.
At least that’s what I’ve heard… from other people…
What I’ve discovered is that the hardest part of doing ANYTHING is getting up and just getting going.
Try to do SOMETHING productive every day. Because something is always more than nothing. Even if the something is very small.
If you are struggling to do anything at all right now, then pick something small. Do the dishes? Take a walk? Take a shower? Brush your teeth? I guarantee these things can feel huge if you have fallen into the habit of doing nothing. So pick something that actually seems possible.
Then, if you are ready to push back against that tendency towards inaction, stop thinking, and just get up. Once you are up, then move towards the thing you have decided to do.
Most of us find that, once we are UP and moving in the direction of the thing, the task feels much easier.
Use Mel Robbins’ advice from her book The 5 Second Rule if that helps you. Count down from 5 to 1, and when you reach 1, take action. Remember to count down, not up. It just FEELS different to count down from 5 to 1, rather than up from 1 to 5. We have been conditioned to take action when we count down to zero: five-four-three-two-one-BLASTOFF!
Try it and see if you don’t feel a difference.
Whether you use the Five Second Rule or not, find something that helps you overcome the inertia of inactivity. There are two phrases that work for me: “Stop thinking so much!” and “Just do it!” (thanks Nike).
3. Go outside
Fresh air and sunshine will do you a WORLD of good while staying home. Even if it’s just standing out on your front porch and taking some deep breaths. Smell the clean air, feel the breeze, enjoy the sunshine (or the clouds – enjoy whatever ya got), listen to the birds. Take a walk around your neighborhood – you can do this while still keeping a safe distance from any others you meet. It’s springtime, and things are starting to bloom. Allow yourself to enjoy the sights and sounds of spring outside.
If you aren’t able to take a walk or get outside, open your windows and breathe in the fresh air. Find a way to experience “outside”, even if you have to stay inside to do it.
Go outside. Every day.
4. Take a media break
Whether it’s social media or news media or whatever you tend to be drawn to online – take a break from it now and then during the day. There’s a ton of stress and worry and anger and angst floating around online, and you experience those things through media exposure whether you are aware of it or not. It’s easy to spend an entire day online, but it isn’t healthy – physically or emotionally – for you to do that. Take a break from it every so often. Those internet rabbit trails will still be there when you get back!
5. Interact with other people
Every day.
This one is REALLY important, and can also be really difficult to do. It may be especially important (and difficult…) for those of us who tend to isolate and actually PREFER our alone time. Even if you aren’t an especially social person, humans were created to be in relationship with other people. When we consistently isolate, our thoughts and emotions can really get out of whack and take us to a dark place.
It’s great that we can text and email and all, but there is real, added, value in more personal interaction – like a phone call, or a Zoom/Skype/Facetime meeting with someone(s).
There are some of you who are saying, “Nope. I’m fine. I don’t need other people. I don’t even like other people.”
Well, I’m not gonna argue with you, but I can pretty much guarantee you would be even finer if you interacted with others regularly. On purpose. This advice is coming from someone who has social anxiety and isn’t comfortable making phone calls. I do know, that once I move through the anxiety and call someone, I end up enjoying interacting. But if I waited until I felt like I “needed” to do that, or waited for my want-to to want to – I’d never do it.
It’s amazing how something as simple as a phone call can brighten the day of both the person receiving the call and the one doing the calling.
These 5 ideas are only a few of the MANY actions you can take to push back against anxiety, depression, and irritability as we weather this time of isolation and uncertainty. I’ll share more ideas in a future post, but these 5 actions are a great place to start.
You’ll get through this! But you will have to be purposeful and proactive in order to keep your head above water when anxiety, depression, and fear try to pull you under.
Until next time, stay safe out there. And wash your hands.
Peripheral Wisdom 