Why is it that nobody ever listens to the great advice you give them? Let’s suppose you have this friend who is really struggling right now. You can see what they need to do to correct their problem or improve their life SO CLEARLY, but no matter how emphatically you share your input with them, they keep on doing what they’re doing. It’s so frustrating! You care so much about this person; you just want to help. They’re going to counseling (thank goodness!), but you’re beginning to wonder if that counselor is a quack because the person is STILL stuck on the wrong path.
If you think back through your lifetime, how often have people taken your advice when you try to tell them what they need to do? If you became more insistent and more vocal, and you tell them about it every time you see them, did that make them say, “You know, you’re right. I’ll do what you’re telling me.”? Or did it make them shut you out?
Well, if you and your friends are like most people, I think the answer is “no”, they probably didn’t take your advice, ESPECIALLY if they didn’t ask for it in the first place and especially if you were insistent and condescending.
The best lessons we learn in life, and the way to maturing spiritually and emotionally, is by facing hard issues and wrong choices, dealing with those consequences, and making better decisions in the future based on the wisdom we gained from the bad experiences. We often have to experience the results of our own wrong choices before we can truly grow towards a better way.
It’s perfectly OK to offer your opinions and tell your friends what’s on your mind. That’s what friends do. But realize that the ultimate decision will always be theirs to make. If your friend is going through a tough time, dealing with hard decisions, or facing some type of behavior they know they shouldn’t be doing, please do give your input. Your perspective may be just what they need.
But remember that they also need your love and patience and support. If you walk away from a friend simply because you disagree with them, that says more about you than about them. One of the biggest challenges in life is learning how to get along with someone you strongly disagree with, but care about a great deal.
Change in other people will rarely occur on YOUR time table. It always occurs on God’s timetable, and He doesn’t share that schedule with us. So do your part as a friend or family member – plant the seeds of change and growth by sharing your thoughts and your love with the other person, and be an encourager – then be patient and leave the change up to the other person and God.
Peripheral Wisdom 