Yesterday I explained why people come to counseling, why they hesitate to seek counseling, and what Christian counseling has to offer. So now, what about ME specifically? What kind of counselor am I, and why should you choose to work with me?
I’ll be honest with you – I AM different! Sometimes different is a bad thing, but I think the qualities that differentiate me from other counselors out there are worth considering.
First of all, you’ll get a friendly face, or if we talk on the phone, a friendly voice – a smile, eye contact, an attitude of care and concern. I truly love people. I care about them and feel compelled to help them solve problems and seek solutions.
I’ll provide a listening ear: So many people feel like no one listens to them – many people simply want someone to listen and take them seriously. I LISTEN to what you have to say, and my goal is to understand you FIRST, before I try to offer any kind of advice. If I don’t understand why you do what you do, why you feel the way you feel, it makes it pretty hard to give good counsel. I may or may not agree with what you say – but that isn’t the point. It takes a very small mind to only listen to the people we agree with. I have to understand you, and THEN I can help you. Your counseling session is about YOU, not about me.
I’ll provide eyes that see – I will pay attention to more than just your words. A good counselor looks beyond those words to get to the heart of the matter; your words will tell me the facts, but there’s so much more being communicated below the surface
I will offer you an analytical mind – I love the challenge of my counseling relationships! No two situations are the same and I absolutely love analyzing each situation and researching the best options for the right solution. Counseling is not a “one size fits all” kind of process. What worked for one client may or may not work for you. I’m not going to try and force you into a predetermined “solution” that isn’t right for you or your situation.
I am definitely action oriented, and I will expect you to be action oriented too – clients are expected to take responsibility for their success. I will suggest a variety of things for you to try – whether those things are practical/action oriented (things you DO) or cognitive (ways you might THINK about things differently). For example, if you get really angry while driving, because of all the other drivers who do incredibly ridiculous things on the road, I might suggest you take a different route where there’s less traffic, or off-shift so you’re not driving during rush hour. OR I might have you practice giving those drivers the benefit of the doubt – instead of thinking “what an idiot!” when someone cuts you off, you’ll choose to think, “Wow, maybe they’re late for a really important interview or they just got bad news and they aren’t paying attention right now.” I might tell you to stop the mean thoughts and count to 10, then force yourself to think of 3 positive things right then, instead of thinking about how horrible that other person is. You can choose to think thoughts that stress you out, or you can think thoughts that help you let it go. It’s your choice. There are usually many options for dealing with our issues, and my job is to help you find the options that work for you, and then encourage you towards success with those options.
I am results oriented. It is as frustrating for me as it is for you if your goals are not being met, if things don’t seem to be getting better for you. I believe it’s the central part of my job, to work with you and keep at it until we find the solution that works. I won’t give up until I find that answer.
If I had to put a psychological term on the type of counseling I do, it would be cognitive behavioral – I help you understand why you do what you do and offer alternative ways of looking at things; and I teach you new behaviors – or help you refine old ones – so that what you do is effective. You’re already working hard to do well – let’s make sure you are doing things that give you the best chance for success.
We can make life so complicated. What I do in therapy is peel away as much of the extra complexity as possible and help you focus on the REAL issues and the REAL solutions. I am skilled at boiling complicated issues down to their basic elements and helping my clients focus.
Having a sense of humor can help tremendously in lowering stress and enjoying life. I like to smile, and I like to laugh. I’ll bring a sense of humor to our sessions, not to trivialize your issues or make fun of you, but because learning to lighten up can really help us cope and reduce the stress in our lives.
I am easy to work with. I can be forceful and hard-line when I need to be, but for the most part, I find that people respond best to kindness, empathy, understanding, and encouragement.
People seem to instinctively trust me. The most important ingredient for a successful counseling relationship is trust between counselor and client. Even people who have a hard time trusting seem to trust me. I don’t presume a client’s trust. I realize that this must be earned, and it is part of my job to earn your trust. I take that responsibility seriously.
Another important element that is required for counseling to be effective is CONFIDENTIALITY. What you tell me during a counseling session is between you and me only. There are certain types of information I’m required by law to report – like abuse, danger to self or others, or intent to commit a crime – but other than those types of things, you can trust that what you share with me will not be repeated to others without your permission.
Feeling safe goes hand in hand with building trust. I provide a SAFE place to be and a SAFE place to share what’s really going on inside you. By having a respectful attitude towards my clients and their issues, a feeling of safety and trust is built.
I do my homework. It is important to me that I be prepared for each session I have, and that when you leave, you feel like you’ve gained something for having spent that time with me. Time is a precious commodity for both you and me, and I understand that the time we spend together needs to be worthwhile.
And for those clients who would like, I end our sessions with a prayer that focuses on the specific problems they are struggling with.
Counseling is like a big puzzle – there are a lot of pieces lying there, some seem related, some don’t. With some pieces, it’s obvious how they fit into the big picture. But there are other pieces that take a great deal of time and effort to make sense out of. The challenge is in making sure all the pieces are out there on the table, and then putting them together in a way that fits and makes the finished product better than the box full of random pieces.
I am passionate about what I do. I believe counseling those who need help is what I was created to do. The mind and emotions are fascinating things, and I absolutely love discovering what people are all about and finding ways to make their lives better.
Peripheral Wisdom 