I’d like to take a few minutes to tell you a little bit about who I am and what I do. I’m a Licensed Pastoral Counselor, which is a fancy name for a “Christian Counselor”. I completed my training and earned my license through the National Christian Counselors Association, and have also earned certifications through the American Association of Christian Counselors and Pepperdine University. My undergraduate degree is from the University of Texas at Austin.
I currently own an active and growing practice in Bellevue WA called Solid Rock Counseling Center. I counsel people locally, in my office, and also help a growing number of clients over the internet, using Skype, email, Instant Messaging, etc., and also by telephone. The internet makes it possible to offer counseling to anyone who seeks my services, regardless of their location. My clients live across the United States, as well as Canada and overseas.
I call my practice “Solid Rock Counseling”. The name “Solid Rock” was carefully chosen and has a lot of significance – my goal as a counselor is to provide a rock solid foundation that you can build your life on. You’ll find this theme of a solid foundation as part of everything I do – from the methods and attitude I bring to counseling sessions, to the seminars, retreats, and classes I lead throughout the year. Living life is challenging, and you need solid footing, a stable base, and a firm grip as you climb those mountains that come your way.
Christian counseling offers all the benefits that secular counseling provides; it should never be considered “less than” other kinds of counseling; but Christian counseling offers so much more, and that distinction can make all the difference in the world when it comes to your mental, emotional, and spiritual health. I am passionate about getting that message out to people who need help. And let’s face it – every one of us needs a little extra help every now and then.
Why do people come to counseling?
There are many reasons that a person will seek counseling. The worst reason is because someone (the court system, your parents, a spouse) is forcing you to be there. A person who doesn’t want to be there isn’t usually looking for a way to improve their life, and so the counseling process ends up being frustrating for everyone involved.
It’s a common misconception that you have to be diagnosed with some kind of mental illness to need therapy. But that’s not the case at all. Many people who seek counseling haven’t been diagnosed with any specific illness, they are just having trouble with life – they may be frustrated, depressed, confused, angry, having trouble getting along in a relationship, or basically “stuck” at a point they want to move past, but just don’t seem to be able to. They keep making the same mistakes over and over again, and can’t figure out why. Sound familiar?
Of course, counseling is also beneficial for those who do struggle with serious mental conditions, things like Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Attention Deficit Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Schizophrenia, and Borderline Personality Disorder. These clients, and their family members, find a great deal of benefit in a counseling program.
The best time to get some help is BEFORE things become so bad that you feel hopeless. It’s common for people to wait until everything else has failed, and THEN, as a last resort, call a counselor. There’s still help to be found, even when it seems like a hopeless situation, but it’s much easier and the process goes much more quickly when you ask for help early on.
Everybody needs helps now and then, and sometimes we need more intense help than a friend or family member can provide. Sometimes we need someone who is on the outside looking in, who isn’t emotionally involved in the situation, who has a different perspective and some extra education on mental health issues.
Sometimes we just need to hear advice we’ve probably heard before, but out of a new mouth, said in a slightly different way
My education and training as a counselor give me a lot of information that can help you. That’s why you come to see me – in hopes that I know a bit about what it is you are dealing with and how to help you through it.
One thing that is enormously gratifying for me in my practice is that I have many clients who return at some point down the line after having been in counseling with me earlier. To know that I met their needs in a way that makes them want to work with me when trouble comes up again (and it does) – that’s the best compliment going.
Why do people hesitate to come to counseling?
The thought of seeing a counselor for the first time is pretty scary and intimidating for most people. There’d be something wrong with you if you WEREN’T anxious about seeking counseling!
I can think of several reasons people HESITATE to come in:
- It takes a lot of courage to come in and meet with a person you’ve never met before, especially knowing that you’ll be talking about some very personal, painful, difficult things. You feel vulnerable at first.
- Talking about your issues and taking an honest look at yourself and your life is hard work and is emotionally exhausting. People don’t think they have the inner energy to face their issues.
- People are afraid their friends and family will think less of them if they find out they’re in therapy. Working with a counselor doesn’t have the negative stigma that it once did, but some people are still pretty intimated by that thought.
- Just like some people are concerned about being judged by friends and family, others are afraid of what I’LL think about the things they tell me. There’s a fear of being judged by the counselor.
What you’ll find is that I’m about as non-judgmental as a person can be.
Christian counseling is all about grace –it’s not my place to judge; it’s my place to listen and understand and counsel. Everybody has deep dark secrets, even me. And I assure you that you won’t tell me anything I haven’t heard (or done…) before.
I understand full well that life is hard, and that sometimes our best efforts don’t seem all that great. The key is not give up. And that’s all I expect – that you keep trying, keep on going, and don’t give up. Life DOES get better, IF you don’t give up.
So what if your brother / sister / mother / boss went to counseling before and it didn’t help and the counselor wasn’t any good at all? Or what if you worked with a counselor in the past and it was a bad experience? Unfortunately, not all counseling experiences are positive. There are many reasons for that – personalities don’t match, the counselor may not have been the right one for you, your issues may not have been something that person was trained to deal with. But that doesn’t mean that you should assume ALL counselors are the same and that it wouldn’t be beneficial to give it another try. That would be like saying you’ve never going to have pizza again because you had it once and it was cold and the tomatoes were mushy. Try it again. Don’t condemn all pizza vendors because of one bad experience. Same thing with counseling. There IS somebody out there who can help you, but only if you are willing to try it again.
What makes CHRISTIAN counseling different?
Get out the yellow pages (if you can still find a copy) or Google “counselor” and you’ll get hundreds – no, thousands – of therapists to choose from. Many of them don’t advertise as being Christian, or pastoral, counselors. Most of them aren’t faith-based at all. Should it really matter? Isn’t one counselor as good as the next one? Well, no, not really.
There are many fine secular therapists out there, and I don’t doubt for a minute that they could help you to some degree with your problems.
But when you choose to partner with a Christian counselor, there is an added dimension that secular counselors not only DON’T offer, but legally CAN’T offer. The piece that is missing, and sometimes even ridiculed, in secular counseling is the whole idea of our relationship with God as the guiding force and source of strength in life. As Christians, we have more driving our choices and behavior than self – it’s not just about me… Secular counseling generally stresses putting self above all else, at all costs, all the time.
As a Christian counselor, my focus is to help you learn how to take care of your own needs without becoming self-centered; to set proper boundaries without sealing yourself off from life and from others; to learn to strike a balance between having it your way and considering the needs of others. That kind of balance is what brings true happiness and true contentment.
As Christians we draw strength from our relationship with God – His strength is made evident in our weakness. We have Him to lean on and depend on and look to when we are out of ideas, out of strength, out of hope. And we find that extra strength not just in the words of the Bible, but in the family of believers – His church, from others who God works through to bring that help to you. People like me.
Our faith offers us so much hope, hope that keeps us going when we feel like giving up. We know that life will have plenty of trouble and difficulty – God tells us that, and if we think life is supposed to be easy, we learn pretty quickly that we need to adjust our expectations. We know that this problem (whatever it is) won’t last forever. It may last a good long time, maybe even as long as we live, but we know that there is more, BETTER to come, and knowing that can give us the strength and the will to keep going,
We know that God can bring a good result from any bad situation. Knowing – and believing – that gives us the ability to change the way we look at adversity and hardship. Hard times don’t seem quite so horrible when we know that somewhere in the middle of the “ick”, something good will come out of it. When we know there’s a purpose to what we’re struggling with – even if we never know what that purpose is – just knowing that helps us keep going. It gives us hope.
So a Christian counselor offers the psychological training and knowledge that a secular counselor offers, PLUS the dimension of faith, which is where real hope and strength and growth come from.
Do you have to be a Christian to see me? No, you don’t even have to believe in God. My faith is part of who I am; I can’t imagine being a counselor without being able to draw on that part of my being. But I accept my clients and work with them where they are – some are very spiritual and want to discuss spiritual matters. Others do not want that to come into the counseling process at all. And I can honor that. My job isn’t to judge or try and force my beliefs on others. I won’t hide my own beliefs, and I will readily share them with anyone who is interested. But my prime goal is still to show love and offer help to those who come to see me. I believe that every person who comes my way is SUPPOSED to come my way. I’ve seen God soften some pretty hard hearts over the course of time. My job is to let Him do His work, on His time schedule, and in His way. Sometimes people just need to see that a Christian can be loving and want to help another person who needs that help no matter what that other person thinks about God at that particular time. The old saying, “nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care” is so very true… And the topic of God and belief always comes up at some point – but again, it’s when God says it’s time, not when I think it is… So no, you don’t have to be a Christian to come see me.
So now you know a little bit about what it means to be a “Christian” counselor. Tomorrow, I’ll share what it’s like to be a client of mine!
Peripheral Wisdom 